An open letter about my faith

Last week was Holy Week for those of us who follow the steps of Christianity, and due to this, I felt in my heart that I should not post. I decided to take a few days off as I usually do every year and reflect. My faith is something that is very much a part of me. I grew up in Puerto Rico, and we are a very Catholic Island. I was Baptized as a baby, did my First Communion when I was in 3rd grade, and by the time I was entering High School, I had already participated in the Confirmation festivities. Now I have my own Goddaughter and I stand firmer than ever in my faith in Jesus and God. 

I can admit I am not the best Catholic. I do not go to Church every Sunday, and I don't know everything that there is to know. There are also certain teachings of the Church I cannot find in my heart to blindly follow because my God is one of love and forgiveness. So talking about my faith and beliefs sometimes surprises people, even though I do not keep it a secret. This leads them to question me as to how can I blindly follow a Church or a book written by men. My answer is quite simple. I believe because I know.  I know of his love and power. I've felt it. I've experienced it. 

But the truth is, my journey into faith was not always a clear one. And I know it is far from over. As I grew older I began to doubt. I began to question a lot of things. Especially if this was normal or if it was a struggle only I was going through. I learned that many begin to question what faith truly means as they enter adulthood. Is faith just knowing there is a God, and rejecting everything that says the contrary? Or is it accepting blindly that everything written in the Bible as true? 

This is when I realized that even though I had been raised my entire life within the Church and my religion, I still had a lot to learn. And we learn through questioning. We learn by finding ourselves and our faith, not simply have it taught to us in our upbringing. 

I think I was angry for a long time and simply abandoned my beliefs all-together. I started back at the beginning. I began to teach myself again. I began to teach myself the things I already knew to be true, and rebuild my faith to the ground up. 

I not only read the Bible or articles about my religion, I began to read philosophers, scientists, scholars, etc. I studied at a University where we needed to take courses in religion, ethics, and humanities. I took courses in phycology and personal growth in order to learn more about the human mind and our need to believe in something. I began to go to Church again, not just for mass, but simply to be there and reflect. I listened to my family and their own beliefs. 

The more I read and learned, the clearer the picture became. I accepted that the traditions are not the enemy. That the Church was not at fault. Little by little I stopped questioning and being scared. I began to realize that my faith brought me peace. That my faith and my religion taught me how to be a better version of myself not just for me but for others. 

At the end of the day, I realized faith is a choice. You can choose to believe or to not believe. You also need to accept the chance that there will not be concrete evidence you can see. Also, you must learn that you cannot know everything. It is a journey we must take for ourselves. But most of all, I learned that we need to respect other's beliefs as well. We all have our truths, and we've all been through our own personal journeys. 

In the end, faith isn't about having all the answers. It also isn't about achieving salvation and avoiding hell. Faith is about finding comfort and love. It is a way of life and a path to follow. It isn't about believing everything within the bible and going to Church every Sunday. 

My faith is about being kind and loving others. 

My faith is about helping those who need me. 

My faith is being there for my family and friends. 

My faith is about visiting the sick. 

My faith is about helping out without being asked to and be happy to do it without expecting anything in return. 

My faith is about not being afraid to admit that I believe. I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe in the Catholic Church and what it teaches us. I believe that people are good and they can all experience the love of God if they allow themselves. 

My faith is about respect. I respect other's beliefs and choices. 

My faith is knowing that doubt will exist. That is what makes us human. That is what makes this a life-long journey. 

Faith is something a person must find for themselves. It is a foundation that must be built, and it has to be done on its own terms. I cannot speak for everyone, and I know a lot of people who differ from what I have written here in this open letter. I can only speak for the fact that in my 20's I refound my faith in Christianity on my own and my journey is far from over. 

Have a blessed day and a blessed life, but above all else be kind and love others. I'll write to you all soon. 

Love, Nashi