Dear Me (A Letter to my Younger Self)

Dear me,

Remember when you were a little girl and your parents got you a swing set for Three Kings Day?

You lived in a different house, one you barely remember now, but that moment lives fresh in your mind. They laid down footsteps all over the house that led you outside towards your shiny new toy. One you will share with a younger brother and a younger sister in two more houses. You’ll make memories in them as well. You’ll remember your baby sister’s first steps and that silly show you made to explain how a solar eclipse worked. You’ll remember eating pizza on the floor and arguing to always play the role of the pink ranger during Power Rangers with your childhood friends.

Don’t forget those feelings.

Don’t let go of those memories because time passes too fast. Before you know it you will be in a new school, making new friends, but still crying every day because you fear the unknown. You fear change. That is something we are both still trying to conquer.

A lot has changed since then. You aren’t always going to be the same little girl. You will fail and you will succeed. Most importantly you will learn.

If I had one lesson to teach you is you don’t need to lie to be accepted. Someday, you will learn that. You don’t need to make your life more interesting. You don’t need to make up that a boy likes you just to impress those you call your friends. You don’t need to change the way you look or what you like for anyone.

Don’t let anyone make you feel like you aren’t good enough.

When you grow older you’ll remember the bullying that back then you were too naïve to really understand. They’ll make fun of you for accidentally grabbing a spoon instead of a fork at lunch. They won’t understand why you’re short, or may have a bit of a mustache and a unibrow, or even why you haven’t shaven your legs yet. Kids can be so cruel, so they will make fun of you. You’ll have lots of crushes that will always overlook you. They will tell you, you aren’t the girl to date but the one you see yourself being with for the long haul. That doesn’t make you unloved.

In high school, you will be a bit of an outcast. An outsider with great friends that will last you a lifetime. Don’t take them for granted. Hold onto them tight, because they will always be there for you even if you haven’t spoken to each other for months.

Enjoy every day during your undergrad. Enjoy the little things and don’t just study. Don’t stay locked inside of your room. Go out more and make friends. Allow yourself to fail. Allow yourself to laugh. Allow yourself to grow. This is when you will discover your voice. You will figure out who you are. You never stop searching. You never stop growing. We both still are.

You’ll achieve great things before you are 25. An undergrad in four years, a master’s in a year, you help your family, you’ve volunteered, you’ve traveled, you discovered what you love… Yet you will still feel like you haven’t done enough. Don’t undermine your own success simply because you haven’t found your dream job.

In the face of adversity, pick yourself up and keep trying. The only true regret you could have is if you stop. You’ve done a good job and you will continue to do so. You will get to where you want to be.

Stop being afraid to take the leap. Move and fight for what you want to do as a career. Don’t be afraid to speak out when those around you are hurting you instead of helping you grow. Don’t be afraid to let them go and move on. Don’t be afraid to love and be loved. Stop running away.

A few more things I want you to know before I end this letter. You are worth it. You can always do better. You aren’t done growing. It’s okay to be sad. Your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel lost. Don’t forget to enjoy every little detail of your life. Be thankful for the good and the bad because those are the things that build you, but they do not define you. Make memories and smile more, because life is too short not to.

I can’t wait to see what else we learn and who we become. I promise to write to you again. 

Love always,

Nashi